im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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