i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
