I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
