The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
