big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
