so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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