I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We need to get me chipped asap
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
