Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
