I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
