i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
