I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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