Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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