If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
