How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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