I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
no, he came in my armpit
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
