my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
