so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
