apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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