i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
