So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
