I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize