I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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