I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
