Porn is love you can see.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
