When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize