How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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