My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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