Swine flu. Run for my life!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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