she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
