I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
