Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
