I heard we made out
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
