The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
