This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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