Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
