John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
