First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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