the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
