If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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