Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
