I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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