I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
