He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
