miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
