I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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