your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
