He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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