also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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