marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
