I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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