Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
