I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
