So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
