At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
