rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
