Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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