after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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