Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
