Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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