i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
