I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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